Over and over I repeated “I’m fine”… Newsflash, I wasn’t. Last Tuesday night around 8 pm, I started experiencing intense pains in my lower abdomen. It was unbearable, but I tried to write it off as typical PMS pain. Around 3 am, my boyfriend woke up telling me I needed to go to the hospital. I tried playing it off and pretending it wasn’t as bad as it was. I didn’t want to admit that he was right, but he was right. I needed medical attention. I would soon later learn that I needed emergency surgery. This harrowing experience taught me three invaluable lessons: never downplay your pain, trust the advice of loved ones, and prioritize your health above all else.
No Really, I’m Fine
I was hesitant to call my grandma for help. I mean, who wants to get a phone call at 3 am, even if it’s asking for a ride to the hospital? I felt like I was being a burden. I didn’t want my pain to be anyone else’s problem. I was an annoyance to my boyfriend because he was having a hard time sleeping with me lying next to him writhing in pain, tossing and turning, and groaning through each movement. I felt like I deserved to be in that pain. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be in pain, right?
The sad thing about it is I was experiencing symptoms before everything got as bad as it was. For the past few weeks, I have been having pain off and on, irregular bowel movements, and menstrual irregularities. I continued to ignore these symptoms because I thought it was just normal. It just happens sometimes and can’t be a sign of anything bigger than that, right? I ignored everything my body was telling me.
I realized I was dismissing the signs my body had been sending me for weeks, convincing myself that fear of medical expenses outweighed the necessity for care. I couldn’t afford a trip to the doctor, all the tests they would need to run, and the treatment plan they would determine I needed. In the end, this was no excuse to ignore my body. I was being given the signs that something was wrong, but I was determined that I was stronger and didn’t need any help.
I Don’t Need Help
There were so many moments when my loved ones told me to get help, advocate for myself, and be truthful with the doctors. I have always been “the strong one” and highly valued my independence. I have difficulty listening to people who tell me what to do because I should know what’s right for me. It’s okay to listen to advice from others. I don’t always have the answers, and that’s okay.
When my grandma was on her way to pick me up, I started getting myself ready to go to the hospital. With our bedroom being in the basement, it took a lot of strength to get myself up the stairs to get dressed. Again, I refused help from my boyfriend and was determined to do it myself. The pain had gotten so bad that I began feeling nauseous and dizzy. As I crawled up the stairs, I was begging that I wouldn’t pass out.
After admittance to the hospital, the staff ran their usual tests: took my vitals, drew my blood, administered pain meds, and gave me IV fluids. I was taken back for a CT scan, and they did an X-ray on my chest because the pain had migrated up to my collarbones. I was incredibly uncomfortable and could not find a good way to lie down and relax. Some time later, the doctor came in and informed us of the reason for my pain: I had a ruptured ovarian cyst. I was in need of emergency surgery.
After those tests were completed, they ordered a transvaginal ultrasound to find where the cyst was and determine the severity of the problem. I was unable to undergo the test. The pain was unbearable; I collapsed on the ground in pain and blew my vein where the IV was located. After they wheeled me back to my room, they started immediately prepping me for emergency surgery.
By the time the decision was made for surgery, my mom had driven an hour and a half to be with me at the hospital and my boyfriend decided to leave work early to be there for me when I came to. I was surrounded by so much love and so many people were concerned for me. My amazing surgeon gave the follow-up information to my partner and mom. It was alarming to hear that I had a liter of blood free-floating in my chest cavity. There was so much blood that it was up to my neck. The doctor was surprised at how well I was handling the pain. As I’ve mentioned though, I was ignoring it. I was stupidly avoiding the pain and ignoring my body’s signs.
This Could have been Prevented
If I had listened to my body and paid attention to the changes I was experiencing, it likely wouldn’t have gotten this bad. I could have gone to the doctor weeks ago and had the cyst removed before it ruptured. Avoiding the pain, ignoring my body, and not listening to my loved ones increased my suffering and the severity of the situation.
I can’t begin to explain how lucky I am to have such an amazing support system that not only helped care for me when I was suffering through the pain but continued to care for me post-op. My boyfriend stayed home with me Thursday to care for me on my first day home, and my grandma came over to care for me Friday for my second day of recovery. My mom even made a care package with some sweet treats and snacks while I recovered. I have had so many loved ones reach out to ask how I’ve been and see if they could help me with anything.
I was never in this alone. I always had people standing behind me to care for me. All I had to do was reach out and ask for their help. I am not in this world alone; people love me. Despite how independent I like to be, I always have people to rely on when I need them. It’s so hard to admit that you need help sometimes, but there is always someone ready to be there for you when you need it. While I’m grateful for the care I received during my recovery, it was a wake-up call to always listen to my body and embrace the love and support from those around me.