“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Nelson Mandela
When you are having a tough time and struggling with depression, it can be common to avoid the problem and let those feelings of loneliness, doubt, and insignificance hold you hostage. It is easy to miss the signs that you’re falling into a depressive episode and even easier to let yourself sink further into the abyss. I have been having a tough go at it lately, and I have missed a few crucial signs that I was struggling and needed to ask for help. If you are someone who battles with depression, this one might hit a little close to home for you. There is never any reason for you to allow yourself to suffer if you can help it. We don’t always have to be strong; crying doesn’t make you weak, and having a menty b does not mean you are broken. I’m sure you’ve always been told, “You have to just power through those negative feelings”. “You’re just sad”. “It will get better”. The truth is, those people don’t know what you’re going through. I don’t know what you’re going through. You may not even know what you’re going through. Ignore all those cliches and do what you can to get through it. Depression comes in waves, and the storm will pass. You can learn more about my story here.
You’re Easily Irritated
You probably find yourself getting upset at every little thing… and I mean every LITTLE thing. When small inconveniences start feeling like the end of the world, it is a sign you need to stop and take a beat. One time when I was reaching the beginning of a depressive episode I quite literally cried because I was out of mac and cheese. However, it’s important to remember that feelings sad is just one emotion of depression. Anger, disgust, and anxiety are all also in the family of depression. I know I’m not the only one who prefers to be angry instead of sad. My depressive episodes result in me losing my cool at the smallest things like spilling a little bit of water when I’m filling the Brita.
Anger is the easiest emotion to feel and react on. It’s so much easier to be angry about the cards you’ve been dealt or when things aren’t going the way you planned. It’s so important to take a step back and view the issue from a different perspective. However, when you’re in a depressive episode it makes it so much more difficult to actually do this. Instead, you tend to wallow in the negative. You can’t find the positives in your life because for you they don’t exist. You dwell on the damage and “what ifs”. This is normal when you’re struggling. However, this is when you need to rely on your loved ones to help you see things from their eyes. They can be the ones to pull you out of the downing waters.
You Feel Judged From Everyone Around You and Pretend to Be Okay
It can be significantly more difficult to share your feelings when the people around you are happy. You’ll feel like a burden. You’ll feel like whatever is going on with you is going to cause them to be in a bad mood. You don’t think anyone will understand or care. Society is just coming around to the idea that mental illness and depression can affect a person and how damaging it can be. A lot of people still have a hard time understanding just how difficult it can be. They don’t realize that you can be neglecting even the simplest things like caring for your body and health. When mental illness like depression in it’s reality gets the spotlight, people are dismissive. People say it’s gross. People say it’s unhealthy and you should just “take care of yourself and you’ll feel better”. They don’t understand, and you don’t want to take the time to explain how it feels to someone who doesn’t want to care to listen.
People are judgemental about things they don’t understand. It’s not your job to educate others on the effects of mental illness, so it can be easy to feel that you’re alone. It’s important to remember you’re not alone. There are so many people in this world who are struggling like you. It’s helpful to find a community where you can be your true self, tell your stories about your struggles, and feel seen and heard about your experiences. Not everyone is going to get it, but there is someone out there in your circle who will listen and be there for you.
You Don’t Want to Confront the Truth
It can be easy to avoid your feelings. It can be easy to pretend this isn’t really happening. I know how hard it can be to even acknowledge that you’re in a depressive state. People rely on you. Your pets rely on you. You have responsibilities that need tending to. You need to remember that YOU can’t do anything for others if you’re not doing things to care for yourself. Avoiding the issue is only going to make things worse in the long term.
I know you don’t want to confront your inner demons. I know you want to put on a brave face and avoid showing people that everything is, in fact, not okay. Don’t let this stop you from allowing yourself to feel your feelings. This isn’t an excuse or allowance to dwell on your emotions and let them get carried away. It is, however, vital that you give them space to exist. Recognize what you’re feeling; give it a name, give it a purpose, and find a way to do something about it. If you’re medicated for your depression, don’t stop taking them. If you feel like they’re not working for you, consult your doctor. Find a good therapist and visit them regularly. Use all of your tools and resources that are there to help you. It will take energy, it will take effort, and it will take courage. You have to find even the easiest ways to take care of yourself during these difficult times.
You’re Coping in Unhealthy Ways
I know how it feels to want to numb the pain. Bad coping mechanisms are only going to make things worse. Self-harm is not going to help you feel better. I struggled with self-harm for decades, and I still struggle to keep myself safe from myself. Trust me, it is not going to help. Resorting to drugs and alcohol isn’t going to help you either. It feels like a great way to escape. You can forget about how shitty you feel for a short amount of time, but in the long run, it’s not going to make a difference. It’s only going to make things worse.
Finding healthy coping mechanisms during this time is vital to your survival during these tough periods. You can go to the gym. You can start meditating. If you’re religious, you can pray. If you’re spiritual, you can consult your spirit guides and ground yourself. Getting out in nature is a great coping skill when battling depression. I know you don’t want to leave the house; you probably don’t even want to leave your bed. You have to find the strength and courage to get yourself out there. Walk to a coffee shop and treat yourself to a latte. Take your dogs on a hiking trail. Go sit on your back porch and listen to nature. Put your bare feet on the ground and let the powers of nature do the work.
You Can Overcome Your Fears and Worries
I believe in you. There are people in your life who love you and believe in you. Recognizing the signs that you might be avoiding your depression is the first crucial step toward healing. Whether it’s through irritability, the façade of being okay, resistance to confronting uncomfortable truths, or unhealthy coping mechanisms, acknowledging these behaviors can empower you to seek the help you deserve. Remember, it’s okay to not be okay, and by confronting your feelings honestly and reaching out for support, you can take significant strides towards recovery. Embracing vulnerability may seem daunting, but it opens the door to true emotional well-being and a more fulfilling life. Let today be the day you choose to face your feelings head-on and begin your journey to healing. If you’re struggling with depression and are thinking of harming yourself or ending your life, please reach out. A valuable resource available to you for free is the suicide hotline. You can reach them at https://988lifeline.org/
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